What a week

I don't remember the last time I have had a crazy week like this last one. All of our adventures started last week Friday Morning. Evan's sister had flown out from Manitoba to pack up their house in Invermere before the movers came to get the boxes on Monday. We originally were going to pick her up at the airport and she was going to take a bus to Invermere in the afternoon with my brother. It started to snow and we heard word that the bus might be canceled so Evan and Nathan took off work and we decided to drive up ourselves and help pack.
We left our house at 10:30 and the snow was just starting to fall, by the time we hit Banff it was snowing full force and we were debating turning around. As we pressed on the weather was getting worse, at 20 km Evan couldn't see anything all he could do was follow the car ahead of us. We ended up making it to Invermere 4 1/2 hrs later as well as about 20 cars in the ditch and 5 plus on their roof.
Evan and I stayed in Invermere for 1 hour and decided to head back. The park rangers wouldn't let us back through the pass, we had to take a 6 hour detour through Crow's Nest Pass. Anyway 24 hrs later 2 more blizzards in Crow's Nest and hotel room we made it home.
That Saturday morning at 5:00 a.m. I got up to check the weather as I got out of bed I wrenched my left Knee, I hobbled to the window and realized that I was storming and took my sore knee back to bed.
At 7:00 a.m. we realized that we had to go our be stuck at the hotel for at least another day or two, so we left.

I spent the next couple days on the couch with an ice pack and medication nursing my knee ( aside from a couple lower impact classes at the gym). On Wednesday my knee started to feel better and I came down with a cold, I almost never get sick and this has been a bad one. On Wednesday I was doing some studying on pregnant women exercising and there heart rates and realized that I wasn't comprehending anything. I was definitely in a fog. On Thursday I went back and reread the chapter and is was so straight forward it made me embarrassed. All it was taking about is that if a pregnant mothers heart rate goes above 140 it starts to have an effect on the babies oxygen and blood supply.

Anyway long and the short of it is that it has been a long weekend, on top of everything Evan has worked until 1:00 a.m every morning so I have been on my own for the most part.
All I can say is that I am looking forward to the weekend, I have a couple classes at the gym on Saturday and Sunday will be the first day we have seen Evan since that Saturday. Hurray for good times.

If anyone has any idea where to get really good quality yoga pants and tank tops please let me know. I am not very happy with my current top ( brand is Matrix)

My Morning

This morning I decided that I would bake muffins with my kids. We usually have lots of fun baking and the kids love mixing the batter and eating it.
As I was getting all the different ingredients out I noticed that the house was quiet but I didn't think to much of it. After all the ingredients were on the table I called the kids to come help me, Emmanuel called back that they were busy playing and would come in a minute. I thought that they were in Emmanuel's room which happens to be right across from the bathroom.
I left them for a couple more minutes and then decided to find out what they were "playing", so I called out and asked. Emmanuel's answer was nothing and about 5 seconds later I hear a little voice say " Emmanuel that's pretty, Mommy look Emmanuel made my hair pretty." This was followed by a very quick Micah BE QUIET. Lets just say I went running and running fast.
When I walked into the bathroom, this is what I found,
beside the sink I found a very proud Micah and a sheepish looking Emmanuel.

Micah's hair was beautiful, it is white blond and curly. When I would brush it it would go well beyond the middle of her back then bounce up to her shoulder blades with her curls.
Thankfully I used to be a hair dresser and could save it a little bit. Now Micah looks like this,
View from the back.

View from the front.

The nice part is some of the piece that were cut are very close to her scalp and they just happen to be right on top of her ears and behind them, very easy to cover up.
I guess Emmanuel has been watching me more then I thought when I cut hair.

Kids will be Kids.

Turning back the clock

First of all I what to say thank you to the people who have left comments, they have been a sense of encouragement through this hard time. I would love to say that my life has figured itself out and I am happy but I am just not there yet.
I have come to the conclusion that a lot of what I am battling has come from exhaustion and stress. the last 1 1/2 years I have pretty much raised my kid by myself, moving to Calgary was hard financially and it sent us spiraling into survival mode. Evan would work during the day and the evening only to come home and fall into bed. It has been a lot better over the last couple months nut I still wasn't taking anytime for myself. Evan and I were talking and realized that he had been gone from us for 3 plus months over the last 4 1/2 years.
I have been away for 1 night on a youth retreat with 20 youth, some how that just doesn't add up.

Evan had been to Las Vegas on "business" ( he had 2 meetings in 5 days). He goes to concerts, had the house to himself for countless weeks while I visit my parents. He also spent 2 months in Calgary working and hanging out with my brother while I was with the kids in MB trying to tie up lose ends.

well times are going to change, I am heading back to school. Starting May 30 I will be studying to become a fitness Instructor. I have theory classes in Edmonton for a weekend and then practical classes in either Toronto or Ottawa in late summer. I will be training in two disiplines, Body Flow ( yoga, tai chi and Pilates) as well as Body Combat. I am super excited and can't wait to start. It is the perfect job, it will only be a couple hours a week and if my classes are during the day the kids get free babysitting right at the gym. I am hoping to teach 4-5 classes a week, hopefully some days of back to back classes. My schedule won't change very much from what it is now because I already spent two hours on Tuesday and Wednesday night at the gym as well as two hours Saturday morning.

I am hoping through working again I will be able to find myself and my many passions in life.

Lost #2

After Body Combat tonight I did some soul searching to try and find out what is causing my funk.

I have decided to enlighten everyone on how I am really feeling, but please keep in mind that they are feelings and neither right nor wrong. I feel like I have been having panic attacks in the last couple days. These have come with the feel like I am going to be a parent for the rest of my life, What did we get ourselves into. I am not sure why it has taken me almost 5 years to realize it to this depth. For the last 5 years I have always thought that I am glad that I am a young mom, imagine what I can still do when my kids are older. I will be 41 when Emmanuel turns 20. We didn't plan to have kids nearly as early as we did but I have always worked with it and thought it turned out great.
Please don't misunderstand me I love my kids so much and I wouldn't want my life another way I just have been wondering what life would have been if we waited to have our children. I miss the freedom and spontaneity of when we were first married.
I have been doing some soul searching and plan to do a lot more, I will also keep up with my classes as they have been really good for my heart and my body.

Evan believes that a lot off this is due to hormones, my hormones have been wacky the last couple weeks. Evan and I have been trying to have our third and last baby for a number of months already with no success yet. Evan thinks the stress of it is showing in different ways and my panic about the future is one way. This will be the last time that I talk about trying to conceive until we are pregnant as I don't want to turn this chapter in our life completely public. I just wanted to let everyone in on what I have been dealing with.

I know I will get through this and the funk will clear and things will look brighter. I need to keep trusting in God and relying on him.
I hope no one thinks of me or my opinions as I don't love my children, I love them dearly and just needed to vent and get somethings out of my head. Just typing what I am feeling in an honest way have relived stress already.

Lost

Ever get the feeling like you are wondering with no where to go and nothing to do? It is such a disorienting feeling, there is no drive or purpose to push you to accomplish anything.
This is how I have been feeling for the past 2 days. Except I have many places to go and many things I should be doing.
I still go through the motions, taking care of the kids, cleaning, making meals and going to the gym but I feel nothing. This is not like me at all. Especially at the gym I am driving to fight a little harder, to sweat a little more to dance with more beat. As of yesterday in my body Jam class we were doing Hip Hop and reggae and reggae is my all time favorite yet I still felt like my feet had no bounce, no lift in my heart or spirit.
Tonight I have body Combat and I am going to try and punch and kick this feeling out of me.
Hopefully I will feel better soon, I have been losing weight and I got a new hair cut so things were looking up and I can't even point out what has caused my hazy feeling.

On a better note Evan and I invested in Bikes for ourselves and a bike trailer. I have started biking to the gym instead for driving the 3 minutes. Evan comes an hour or two later with the kids in the trailer and then we bike home together. This is the best way we could have spent our money, I have a feeling we will get lots of wear and tear out of them this summer.

Butt Kicking

I have officially had my butt kicked yesterday at my Body Combat class. When I was told to try the class the person told me it was just like Tae-boo with Billy Banks, I used to do these videos in high school. Well they were wrong, I have been doing high impact dance classes for 3 weeks and today is the first time I fell like I was run over by a truck. I was finished after 15 minutes in the class and still had 45 more to go. I am now on a personal mission that I will make it through the class without feeling like I want to die. The funny part is my Body Jam instructor said that her class is the hardest and if we can do body jam we can do any class, boy was she mislead :).

On a different note my brother has officially moved in with us. It is great to have him around and see him more often, he will be working with Evan doing Commercial concrete.
All we have to do is find him a bed. We had a bed for him that we found on line, it came with box spring, mattress. headboard and dresser. Evan was bringing the stuff home on the van when the tie down straps broke and sent the mattress and box spring flying off the top of the van. The mattress and box spring didn't hit any car but caused two different accidents, let just say Evan has been super frustrated since then.

anyway that is all for now I am going to go and sit on the couch and pretend that my body doesn't hurt every time I move.