much to say

I keep forming a post in my head but more stuff (exciting stuff) keeps popping up so I put the post on hold for the next couple days.

For now we are enjoying the last couple days of summer before Emmanuel starts grade one on Thursday. Man I feel like my kids are growing in leaps and bounds lately. I am excited for the changes in them but it slightly saddens me at the same time.
We have spent a couple more days at the water park with friends and have also hit the beach twice in the last week, we love the outdoors and sun in this house! :)

In my big update post I will have pictures from Micah's birthday and from our last couple days of summer.

Now off to meet a friend and school shopping this afternoon.

Little Girl

By the way my little girl turns 4 tomorrow. I don't have babies anymore.

** SOB **

Unsure

Do you ever want to post about life but feel like the time in your life in not that upbeat? I have been wanting to post for a couple weeks already, my first "excuse" is that my work is all consuming sometimes, Evan has been gone for 12 days ( got home last night) and I just don't have great things to say.
I feel like I am in a season that life keeps throwing crap my way, I have been standing tall and catching everything until last night. Now I feel like I am falling apart, my heart is broken.

Evan got home from San Fransisco last night at 9:00 p.m, I was excited until I picked him up we barely got a hello out and we were fighting. Long story short, I looked at him last night and realized that I barely know the man I love. It is heart breaking to realize that I was happier then I have been in a long time when he was gone, the kids drove me crazy and I was stressed but happy. I think this trip just brought to the surface the emotions and thought we both felt but didn't verbalize, this isn't a new problem just a new realization. We have been struggling since we lost our baby in March, we are in such different places in life right now and with out personal spiritual journeys we just don't know how to connect.

There is so much more to this story and so much that has added up to it and I feeling like I am drowning, every time I catch a breath of fresh air something comes up and I am down again. I am so not used to this, I am a strong person who hates being weak.

Okay that is my rant for right now, you want to hear about some good stuff?

I had an incredible time with my kids while Evan was gone, I told evan that is he gets to go away I take on a "holiday" attitdue with the kids for the time he is gone. I still had to go to work so that added so structure to my days but we just let loose. I spent 4 days at the spray park with my kids, packed food, sunscreen and toys and we didn't even look at the time we just played. It is so nice to really let loose sometimes.

Micah with her Monkey

Computer is not letting up upload more images, I will need to do them a different time.

I also found out this week that I passed my BodyStep video, It was a really hard discipline to train in a stretched me really far but I passed and now I will put it behind me. I don't enjoy the program enough to teach it a lot so I will stick to subbing for now.

Okay back to my week, in throwing out our schedule I think I gained 5 pounds at least and I was teaching at least twice a day. We ate Ice cream for supper, Chocolate anytime of the day, McDonalds ( only once, I can't stomach more)and so much other junk.
We also spent an evening with one of my good friends and her kids, I think we got home at 12:15 that night, so worth every moment they stayed up past their bedtime.

Anyway, small glimpse into my life, hopefully I will post soon with more pictures.